Dear FRIENDS,
dear READERS,
This blogpost aims to take you a bit on my journey. I am hoping that what I am sharing will be nourishment to you and may spark some curious thoughts, ideas and invitations for collaborations among ourselves and with others.
I am deeply thankful for being here on Vancouver Island while having so many wonderful people in my heart, this most likely includes you, too.
This post feels a bit more daring in regards to being very personal. I am writing about things that may break with some of the regular conversation topics yet seem to be gaining more mainstream interest. At least where I live here on Vancouver Island these topics seem to be on the weekly menu.
Topics include spiritual quests, trauma, love, touch, sexuality, sensuality, psychedelics, off-grid living, depression, death and of course: poop. Welcome to my life on one of the fringes of society, which slowly chews its way into the mainstream hoping to “stir up some shit” and make you smile. :)
You may want to take a cup of tea, a deep breath and a device with a bigger screen if possible and enjoy the read.
Comments and feedback are as always welcome!
Hoping to cross paths in the new year with you again and wishing you a great 2023 with all its depths and wonders!
— Warmly,
Jenni Ottilie
PART I
A welcome to the year of compost
2023
A year of…
Renewal
Rebirth
The neglected
The Under-appreciated
The underworld
The Unknown
Decomposition
beneath our feet
Why?
Living in cities where sealed surfaces are dominant we don’t see much soil. We see concrete and sometimes grass deserts. So it tends to be overlooked. Just like soil compost seems to be mostly overlooked and ignored. It is where life meets death and feeds into life again. It is the biological underworld. The darkness out of which comes life. The part of life that our modern societies like to pay as little attention to as possible. It is part of a larger cycle of life. From my perspective it’s been undervalued, under-appreciated and mostly misunderstood. That is true for soil health in general and the leverage that healthy soil has in restoring ecosystems and water-cycles.
Where there is healthy soil nutrients can be taken up by the plants, rain water can percolate and be absorbed instead of running off on the surface and disturbing sensitive water ecosystems. When water is absorbed, the groundwater can refill and the roots of plants can still their thirst. Good soil and vegetation cover increase the overall water retention capacity of the landscape. The land becomes a sponge.
Decomposition before recomposition
Compost is an important accelerator for creating humus rich soil inhabited by a web of fungi (mycelium) and healthy microorganisms that loosen the soil and create a soil food web. Microorganisms in compost break large structures into smaller structures – pieces that can be rearranged and organized in new ways. It is the part of a life cycle that creates renewal. The part of releasing tension – the part where collapse is welcome.
In search of creating RESILIENCE
In the past four years I have been living with people who care a whole lot about good compost, as part of my research I have been meeting with people who make great soil out of humanure (human poop and pee) using compost, and after all this I have found that there need to be more of us. More people who take a moment to look at the importance of keeping our soils alive and just as importantly: bringing them back to life. Part of this is seeing that the earth loves to be fed by our organic “waste” (manure and humanure, food scraps, garden “waste”…) to create new life. Almost endlessly. Compost as an important step towards re-integrating the death into our modern lives as a natural part of life.
Composting our mess
My antennas for resilience and regeneration have detected composting and engaging with waste as a resource as a crucial part of getting us out of this (uncomposted) mess that we have created as humanity; understanding how we can turn from linear back into circular to keep our futures alive. As a true Sustainer type of person, the act of letting go can be very challenging for me. It can lead you into a mess of not-knowing and disorientation and in a society that likes to categorize you by what you do and what your expertise is, being in-between can cause people to not understand you and not know how to engage with you. It can be disheartening, when people cannot connect with you.
Yet entering into this space of not-knowing and “undefining” myself has been a call for me that seems so crucial to sustain my existence in alignment with the world as it is. This world is described as VUCA world by some people. VUCA stands for volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous.
Accepting to be in a state of not-knowing allows for answers to be generated by sensing into the greater whole. A state that invites guidance from a thread of wisdom that weaves together our past, present and future ………………
“Apocalypsis” seen from a larger perspective is the process of leaving the old story for writing a new story. We may be entering the in-between of those two stories.
…
Adaptive cycle of (Eco)Systems
On an economic and societal level artificial and constant growth neglects this natural rhythm of falling apart and reassembling. I love Buzz Holling’s Adaptive Cycle of Ecosystems for this as a metaphor for how we go through phases in our lives – depression, ideation, the beginning of a dream or project, its flourishing, its letting go and the falling apart. This cycle of re.organizing, growing, conserving (or maturing) and letting go and falling apart can happen be found on a daily, weekly, annual, multi-generational basis…
Communities go through a forming, storming, norming phase.
In our encounters we go through an inspiring first meeting, investing in organizing and making the relationship grow, then hits the authenticity phase and we fall apart, reassemble and grow even closer together.
Rigidity Trap
Above are drawings of the Adaptive Cycle and how it relates to where we are in the western capitalism-based society: in a rigidity trap. We are trying to conserve a status quo that is not maintainable nor sustainable, wrecking havoc on the planet with its sacred places and living inhabitants.
Overhang of bureaucracy
In our daily lives, we are navigating within a system overburdened by bureaucracy, causing us to divert responsibility to governments instead of stepping into our own power. One-case scenarios have caused fear-based and preventative legislations that avoid a bad thing from happening again, but also block innovation and a living exploration – people feel blocked and disempowered, fearful of making mistakes and navigating the rules.
Re.localizing decision-making
Decisions are made by people in places far away from where the decisions actually take impact. Organizing on neighborhood and city-scales to re-localize decision-making power and create actions that are place-based seems the way to go.
Empowering local and regional stewardship of the land
Empowering local stewardship of the land. Hands-on activities in the neighborhood can re-establish a place of belonging to a local community and place – which is deeply nourishing to the human spirit. It makes people feel less alone, less isolated, less overwhelmed i.e. more connected, more empowered, more resilient.
space for new compositions that are
in alignment with a living future
Answers from my compost friends on my facebook:
Compost is …
Hot Shit
Gold
…Closing the Loop…
Part of my lifestyle
Hot
Life
Humus, and humus makes us human
What I aspire to be some day
Precious!
Magic!
PART III
How do compost,
the adaptive Cycle,
and resilience inform
my work in 2023?
How would it inform YourS?
While writing my master thesis I will be available for freelance work again – hopefully together with some of you wonderful people – offering my skills and knowledge around
ECOLOGY,
SYSTEMS THINKING
and ART
through
ECOSYSTEM RESTORATION (see ideas below)
going out into the landscape, cleaning local creeks and forests from trash, planting native plants, removing invasive species, …NUTRIENT RECYCLING (see ideas below)
illustration work around ecology and circular sanitation; recycling neighborhood dog poopVISUAL FACILITATION FOR COMMUNITIES
for group processes and convergences:
Generative Scribing, Visual Facilitation, Graphic Recording, Visual Communication for outreachSYSTEMS THINKING / ARMOURDILLO CONSULTING
offering systems modelling for facilitating multi-stakeholder issues and individual coaching (work in progress):
https://www.ottilie.cc/#/systemswork/PLAY
working with kids in forest school (building more snail and fairy homes!)GROW FOOD
working on farms doing regenerative farmingCalling in project COLLABORATIONs
with: Joanna Mitchell, Julia Finkenzeller, Anna Calmet, Benjamin Fischer, Michael Geselbracht, Robin Woolner, Myriam Verzat, Warren Hooley, Brenna Sherlock, Johannes Eule (Commons Institut)…COMMONING – establishing the practice of managing shared resources
helping make the Commoning Patternlanguage Cardset become accessible to for English speaking people, possibly through a crowdfunding
On #1 ECOSYSTEM RESTORATION:
BIOCHAR & JOHNSON-SU COMPOST BIOREACTORS
Another idea is to start a collaboration with out local tree service cooperative Yeomen using the wood chips from the tree work for Johnson-Su Compost bioreactors that create lively, mycelium and micro-organism rich substrate, or for creating biochar, that holds a lot of nutrients or as bulking agent for composting toilets to offset the nitrogen in human poop (and pee).
On #2 NUTRIENT RECYCLING:
CIRCULAR SANITATION
I am hoping to continue my work on CIRCULAR SANITATION focussing on education and outreach, developing a pilot project, potentially including the setup of DOG POOP COMPOSTING (some people are already doing it large-scale) in our neighborhood here in Nanaimo. Here I am looking for a group of people to work together with to apply for grants to set up neighborhood-scale humanure and dog poop composting projects, to keep the organic matter out of the landfill, where it pollutes air through off-gasing. It would also help people wrap their head around the idea of composting poop. Next step would be: human poop :)
Creative and relational works from the past year
Below are some pictures of the work from the past few months:
Generative Scribing for a Dream Weaving Practice | December 30, 2022
PART III
A year in review
Little small human I am –
walking on this big big earth,
feetsing from one end to the other,
to admire the clouds,
the magical spirits,
incredible human beings,
that open my heart ever wider,
that soften my belly
and that hold me in my e:motions.
Poppy Eye looking at me while having ingested a few too many mushrooms for the first time in my life…
Where I am and what I have been doing in a nutshel
This past year I mostly spent on the West Coast of Canada; Vancouver Island being funded by two DAAD (German Academic Exchange Service) Scholarships to conduct research on implementing dry toilets with resource recovery (circular sanitation) in a UNESCO biosphere region using a systems thinking and modelling approach.
Research – Loop the poop
So since April I am a Visiting Graduate Research Student at VIU (Vancouver Island University) and MABRRI (Mount Arrowsmith Biosphere Region Research Institute). This is part of my study program Global Change Management (MSc) in Eberswalde, Germany. Until the end of August I will keep working on the topic as a Visiting Graduate Research Student with VIU while writing my master thesis and intending to do meaningful work that I also get paid for :).
My LOOP THE POOP Blog:
—> https://www.ottilie.cc/loop-the-poop/
REPORT of the Evaluation Workshop on Circular Sanitation in September:
—> https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IbneocvvOBs9wwsrHcuxg73TqDcEhDjm/view?ths=true
BLOGPOST on my research project by VIU:
—> https://www.viu.ca/blog/harnessing-power-poop-loop
The CALLING underneath
2015 – Bike traveling the Sierra Nevada. The landscape that called in a sense of belonging for me: Half Dome “Tis-sa-ack” in Yosemite National Park.
That’s the official costume of my journey. Underneath this costume is a call to the West Coast that I have been hearing for the past decade, and a call to North America that has been in my heart ever since I was an exchange student.
My studies are the vehicle to make this possible. This journey took so long, because I had a few parameters guiding my steps and decisions over the past 7 years:
Yes, there are humming birds on this island here.
PURPOSE :
There needs to be purpose in what I do – What I do needs contribute to generating more well-being to the place I go to, the natural environment and the people there.INVITATION :
there needs to be an invitation, a sense of being welcomed in – I need to see where I can be of use. I only want to do what is welcomed and needed.LOVE :
there needs to be love – I need to feel love in my heart for the people and community I land in, a sense of „these are my people“, a sense of comfort and hominess.
The right timing
Taking these parameters into account it took a couple of years to get me where I am and looking at the circumstances:
any earlier than now would have landed me in a less open space. NOW is exactly the right time to be where I am. A year ago the place where I live now would not have been open to accommodating me yet. The place itself would still be held in the freezing grip of fear from the pandemic. Now is the right time.
On a loving friendship amidst tragedy
So I left Germany in March.
Before leaving I had spent a lot of time supporting Ben in organizing his return to our shared home. He would move into my room and we would make the flat wheelchair accessible for him. It seemed serendipitous that the rehab put his return home date on March 17th, which was the same date as I had booked my flight to NYC. Luckily everything went sort of well for him. I had tried to coordinate a group of personal assistants that would help him in his everyday life.
It was strange not to be there when he comes back. When Ben had his accident which catapulted him into a new chapter of his life in August 2021 I was guided into the role of informing Ben’s friends and building an emotional and spiritual support group. After all these months since August that I was by his side, regularly speaking and trying to support him in the many ways I could, also organizing a crowdfunding together with the wonderful Anna Calmet whose friendship and support I am deeply thankful for: https://gofund.me/fc507a4a
A heart’s call finding a response
Also I had put an effort in trying to make it possible for Ben’s heart wish to come true: to meet and speak to Dr Gabor Maté could come true. It was the first thing that Ben had mentioned after waking up from the surgery after his accident: doing a trauma workshop with Gabor… The best lead I could find was writing to the amazingly heartfelt Maurizio Benazzo (see further below) who graciously offered that Ben could take part for free in an online workshop on the Wisdom of Trauma with Gabor in October last year. It meant a lot to Ben. It moved something. And it meant a lot to the other participants of that workshop. In May this year when Maurizio, his partner Zaya and Gabor were touring Europe for screenings with the Wisdom of Trauma documentary Ben was invited to join them in Berlin and they all got to spend an evening together. It warmed my heart to see.
Although I went to visit him one last time in the rehab before I left (the rehab is three hours away from where we lived) it was strange not to be there when Ben returned to our shared home after all this. I cried and even now at times I cry when I see Ben on the phone. I miss him. But the even greater the joy and emotions when I got to see him for a week in October, united as a trio with our common friend Robin. It was one of the best times of the year for sure.
IMpressions from 2022
Below are impressions of some of the highlights and meaningful encounters that have left an imprint on my journey:
…but back to the beginning. Back to March:
Leaving for The US/Canada
Handling Pandemic Gravities…
Despite all odds of the pandemic I was able to board the airplane on March 17th. With all the uncertainties of the past three years I did not dare to believe that I was going to board that flight until I would actually sit on the airplane and take off. The hurdles of not-getting sick and having everything lined up with vaccination, testing etc were taken successfully. After 5 years I could finally return to New York. No bike by my side this time. After 17 years and several transatlantic flights with me, my bike “Tanky” had cracked its frame in the past winter. Sadness.
A lot of wheelchairs accompanied my travels at the airports that I came through. People in wheelchairs, empty wheelchairs… In my heart and mind my beloved friend Ben travelled with me, wheelchairs were sending me his greeting everywhere.
and the awe-sparking improbabilities of flying…
I love flying. Every time the machines run high right by takeoff I am shaken by the intensity of the forces and improbability of this happening. I cry. Wow. Machines and fuel and massive engineering push me into the sky and move me to the other side of the earth in just a few hours. Awe. Pure awe. Tears run down my cheeks every time.
On the airplane I always grab a window seat. I was able to see depressingly floating ice shields in the warming waters around Greenland… No comment on the paradox of me sitting in an airplane being all melancholic over melting ice shields. Don’t copy what I am doing.
New YORK family and friends
Impressions from my week in New York. The air felt light and relieved. People were smiling as it was warm spring days.
Seeing people grow and change the world
New York to me means visiting my beloved cousin and his family. It is also reconnecting to dear friends who have great hearts and are impressive change makers – compos(t)ers of life! :D
It was so inspiring again to hang out with DD Maucher, the Mastress of Succession, who has been creating biodegradable floating art sculptures are beneficial to the waterways using fungi and effective microorganisms for bioremediation.
Urban food gardens creator Gil Lopez hosted an equinox fire and sharing circle at Rockaway Beach, which I happily biked to from Brooklyn, biking back together with Dan and Chelsea – that was epic. Both are composting, biking and urban planning enthusiasts! Yay! Visiting the botanical garden in Brooklyn with my dear soulmate Carrie, exploring the new bikepaths along Manhattan with my former roommate Andy (who also is into composting! :D ), having a wonderful dinner with my former housemates Darrel and Elena and their little one. Meeting my former dumpster diving, bike friend and social justice advocate Jen Akchin. And actually unexpectedly bumping into Danila Pelicani in front of Trader Joe’s, so we checked on the chestnut that I had commissioned her to plant in Prospect Park a few years ago. We did not find any new grown chestnut though. It probably didn’t make it ;D.
It was exciting to peak into the life of my cousin’s daughter who was receiving responses from the different universities she had applied to for studying psychology. I was happy to hear that L.A. was the chosen one for her, so she would be at the West Coast. It was touching to see her younger sister who is going through her wild teens being a strong body and emotions person with an incredible singing voice finding herself challenged by the classic school system which doesn’t encourage her gifts. The teens. Years of seeking true identity and your group of belonging, …
While being in New York I had to finish writing up my ethics application for the Review of my research activities that are mandatory before doing any research in Canada that involves humans. It’s an intensely lengthy document.
I felt deeply nourished reconnecting with you all after all this time.
Thank you for being so open to it!
For details on this first lag of the journey there is this blog post:
https://www.ottilie.cc/new-blog/headedhomewestcoast
*.*.*
welcomed by love:
Coming home to the West Coast
View of the Bay Area, San Francisco 2022
Going through California
I knew I couldn’t go to Canada without passing through California where my heart had fallen in love in 2015. Feeling a sense of arrival with the places of Yosemite and the city of San Francisco.
For more details on this first lag of the journey, you can see this blogpost with pictures and writing:
https://www.ottilie.cc/new-blog/headedhomewestcoast
Rooftop tea with Robin and his friend and fellow artist Tani
Meeting Robin
Arriving in San Francisco I was welcomed by Robin, who I had been in contact with through Ben. Robin became a silver line throughout all of my journey this past year.
Here we were,
Robin and I,
both caring deeply about our friend Ben
who was going through some of the biggest turns in his life.
Here we were,
just meeting, but feeling a deep connection.
Here we were,
entering into a space of mutual curiosity in each others lives –
on our way to be muses for each other.
Inspiration and reflection.
Entering each others hearts with warmly lit candles.
The Muse, the spark, the candle light
To me Robin is a deeply inspiring human, who has helped me love myself in new ways, dare to take steps into the unknown, dare, dare, trust and dare to fall and land even more. It is rare to find someone with whom all of my energy centers can connect with. On a spiritual level, communication wise, emotionally, creatively, sensually. I learned to see and love my body in a new way. In all the beauty our biggest challenge is that I like to lay out plans and gain a lot of security and energy from having a perspective and anticipation, whereas Robin operates on a level of presence and spontaneity that seems out of this world.
Besides his ability to be fully present Robin is a master in pattern detection, he can see the bigger picture in the world, in what people do and he can put those into words and relatable stories that help them see clearly and in a way they feel understood. Robin is a magician who creates magic through pure presence – giving his full attention to whatever he is working on and whoever he is spending time with. There is a special groundedness to him, that seems rooted in his ability to listen to his body, the environment around him and the greater body of consciousness. He enlightens the world around him through his deeply playful and creative nature – a poet, an artist, a mediator between the unknown and the known, making the invisible visible.
Impressions of times with Robin and some of his artworks
He doesn’t think he is a gifted visual artist, but I think he is!
in healthy spirits
And what stands out is that he is not depressed. Not depressed! Like what? A happy human? Having seen most of the dear people around me going through the challenges of depression(s) over the past decade it feels like happiness is the rarity and depression is the norm…
(no) Depression
When the life inside you gets muffled by inertia and a blanket of black matter lays its cover over you… a moment in your life that calls for initiation. A challenge that feels confusing, hard to get through dare not even try to think about where it will lead you. The winter of 2017 to 2018 I was almost swallowed by the black matter. In March 2018 I broke free. That year, attending the Hero’s Journey Seminar for my birthday was of great help to develop the inner trust, alignment and force to take the next steps on a path that feels closer to living my full self.
When skillsets merge
So, Robin has accompanied my journey in a magical way, in a practical way, in a loving and sensual way. I learned to trust more. I feel a deeper ability to trust, play and sense. He also was of great help for my research, having studied Environmental Sciences and Sustainability Leadership, which is a study program very similar to mine, also based on systems thinking, and being an excellent facilitator – if you need one, hire him :)
Robin’s homepage
— Robin Woolner: https://www.tri-ciprocal.com/
Having lived off-grid in a yurt doing ecosystems restoration of burnt landscapes for the past years he is a regular user of a composting toilet. Given all these links we co-facilitated my online Evaluation Workshop on Circular Sanitation as part of my research.
Diverging pathways into the unknown
To explain why we’re not a couple any more at this point is a windy road that I won’t take you down now. But there’s something that needs to shift for and within us to come together again. Not knowing if it will be in a romantic or „just“ project-and-friendship-based way. There will be a coming together of sorts again. Right now, it’s a focus for both of us to work on our work-lives…
Brunching with maurizio
A highlight of the time in California was meeting Maurizio Benazzo for a brunch. Maurizio is co-founder of SAND Science and Non-Duality and co-producer of the documentary „The Wisdom of Trauma“ which features Dr Gabor Maté’s work. My gosh, what an incredibly beautiful and interesting conversation we had. Life, love, purpose, psychedelics, collective trauma…
I almost couldn’t handle the magic of this day driving from the mountains of the Sierra Nevada to Occidental in the coastal range: meeting Maurizio and visiting Occidental Arts and Ecology Center, which Ben had mentioned to me many times before and where people are working on a legalizing ‘humanure’ composting, doing a research project, which sadly was paused due to the pandemic.
Next I took the train from Chico, Ca to Portland, OR and Seattle, WA staying with friends and a wonderful kindred spirit and friend of Carrie on the way – details in the previously mentioned blogpost. Eventually I arrived in a sunny Vancouver City taking the ferry from Horseshoe Bay to a clouded Vancouver Island being greeted by a group of Orcas in Departure Bay…
— April —
*.*.*
Vancouver Island
Where magic is woven into the land
Beauty and broken relationships all in one place –
Need for Reconciliation on many levels
Being here stirs many thoughts. Becoming even more sensitive I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the loudness of noises and energies. Machines and destruction. Lack of relationship between people and people and land. And yet, the magic of this land cannot be overlooked, the intensity of beauty cannot be missed. I oscillate between loving where I am and feeling it is the right place and wanting to some elements from my life in Europe here, mainly the more quiet engines, smaller cars, less cars, more bikes, more public transportation and less enormous clearcuts in the landscape.
A Handprint matching my hand
However there is this feeling that there is a mold of a handprint to put my hand in and it perfectly fits. An unfelt feeling. My body feels home. A community of people, my Nanaimo family. We dance, we gather, we grow food, we share stories, we laugh, we cry, we touch.
Amidst Noise and a Homelessness crisis
All this hominess surrounded by an eclectic mix of city energies that try to poke through the thin wooden house walls – sounds of machines from factories digesting wood – day and night, day and night, squeeking wheels from motors driven by those chasing the wounds of their heart in search of replenishment, scattered souls searching homes with shopping carts and a needle filled with hope for loving warmth – eclectic. Broken. Healing.
This city I live in now: NANAIMO.
Based on the traditional territory of the Snuneymuxw First Nation.
A young city brought up by coal mining and the wood industry, starting in the 1850’s.
A landscape of houses, clearcuts, second and third growth forest, development and large parkways. At moments when riding my bike on a ridge next to the highway all this appears to be so obviously alien to this landscape.
An unusually long dry summer from July til November,
after an usually wet long cold spring.
Welcome to a changing climate at the other end of the world.
How to be well in a world like this? – That’s my big quest(ion?).
Smokey skies blowing in from forest fires in Washington in September
What to focus on when future can mean anything?
What to bring into this world that’s changing so fast at accelerating speeds?
How to throw a wrench into the belly of the beast of Msilatipac?
How to be sensitive and
create Resilience?
A few unfinished thoughts, you are invited to build on…
the body as a compass for finding well-being
How thankful I am for having a body that tells me when something is off, that directs my compass – I know you are my greatest teacher, you are my sensor for the world, for where to go, what not to do. I hear you. You need love, touch, movement, self-expression, you need to see organic shapes, feel the breeze on your skin, you need to feel seen by other humans, you need retreat for your soul, you need silence for hearing yourself, you need food that is grown in respect to natural laws that are respectful to living plants and animals. I need calmness, gratitude and good conversations when taking in food, otherwise my stomach will cringe protesting to digest when stress runs my system. I need to held. I need to be allowed to hold others, to show my love and the care I have.
Being allowed to Express love – and boundaries.
Being able to express my love and care has been the biggest release and source of regeneration for the past year. Being received feels endlessly good. Being cared for feels endlessly good. Caring for myself feels good. Some times caring means setting a boundary and that can feel challenging and come across as unexpectedly harsh: my verbal communicatios diminish at the sight and intensity of emotions and inner clarity. No – I need this right now. No, I cannot commit. No, I need time to retreat and integrate all that has happened today. Yes, I need a hug and yes it’s hard to allow the softness a hug brings towards me – wasn’t I angry about something just a second ago? Did that hug just melt this away? I obviously simply was lacking human connection.
Growing my roots into
the web of Community
Before coming to the island I had put out a flyer to be shared through the research institute’s network. I was hoping for resonance from the web of people, hoping attraction would be mutual. And it did. It helped me find a wonderful place.
Living with farmers (and activists)
I was able to spend the first three months in the home of Craig Evans and Jen Cody – a small townhouse near downtown Nanaimo. They are both into farming and Craig has probably the biggest legacy regarding projects and protests that have saved Nanaimo’s environmental spaces more than once. Founder of the first Recycling Plan in Nanaimo, protesting the development of a local dam, turning it into a Park (Colliery Dam, where I gratefully went to cool my self off swimming almost every day this summer), starting Growing Opportunities and Food Share that enable skill training and incomes for people with disabilities growing food on local farms in the city limits and providing affordable fresh food for people with low incomes.
Frontyard with bees and beautiful flowers and a plum tree
The art of saying good bye – to life.
Sadly Craig was diagnosed with terminal illness two months into my stay with them. It was incredible to witness and feel the love between Jen and Craig, I felt very blessed to witness the signs of love they were sending each other not to mention the way they work together farming and weaving community. Craig spent the past months wrapping up the paper works of this projects and finding closure with projects and community – two highlights were the Community Dinners in honor of him, that brought together a hundreds of locally active people and revealed a few secrets of past stories: how Craig managed to get a hold of the city’s development plans through his recycling service picking up the office papers (and plans ;) ) so he could put together protests and demonstrations against the developments, hauling in actors from the university’s theater class to increase numbers of protestors so the video recordings would show a significant crowd of opposing. Having a background in film and agriculture Craig just knows how to play with the system.
That man always weaving together people and community has just walked a path so deeply inspiring – it is beautiful to see that he was given the chance to share all this to pass on the torch by being given time before passing.
— July —
Entering the S.E.E.D.
Neighborhood Community
South End Nanaimo and surroundings
A serendipitous and significant encounter this year was that with Michael. We met at a cedar weaving workshop with Snuneymuxw First Nation’s member Dave Bodley. Michael had co-hosted the workshop. At the time I was feeling very alone here, not knowing many people and feeling post-pandemic social anxiety air around me. I did, what I love most: I offered to help with cleanup (I love moving things in space together with people). Needing to use a bathroom I walked into his nearby home and felt immediately welcome. There was a call coming from the toilet to me: a composting toilet. A good sign!
A month or so later I moved in to live with him, his wonderful sister Nadya and three other housemates.
Michael has been dedicated to building community and food forests in his neighborhood and I love just tagging along with that. My directness and supposedly “German” sense for order is very much welcomed by him. From the first minute I felt I can be completely myself around him – which by now has led to some interesting situations. Two community-oriented people that have very porous boundaries allows for a lot of synergies and ideas to manifest.
Despite Nanaimo’s tight housing market here was an empty room in his house. It almost seemed to be waiting for me.
My tiny room.
The house
Michael has been heavily invested in growing community and food forests in the neighborhood for the past few years. Almost his whole family lives in Nanaimo. We are more or less 6 people living here. During the summer we had a lot of guests.
My roommates are between 27 and 50-something years old. This said a big part of my well-being here comes from living with people that have similar lifestyles and a mix of ages. We have potlucks every Wednesday where we do a round of sharing highlights and lowlights. It often is very touching and we have been watching the genesis of friendships coming out of this potluck circle. After the dinner we sing together and give massages.
Another big part of my well-being have been the many opportunities to dance with fellow dancers – I have never had a circle of friends in which so many people are incredible dancers. I am also becoming more comfortable with contact dance improvisation and acrobatic yoga these days…and some wrestling.
It’s a dream. I hold endless gratitude for being in this vital group of people.
Founding a neighborhood coop
This new year we are starting to organize a neighborhood cooperative, so we can apply for grants to fund community projects, to grow a sense of stewardship of the land through planting and maintaining our food forests, fostering and celebrating creativity and partnerships, doing unconventional sustainability projects like composting dog poop, and doing hands-on ecosystem restoration work along the Catstream. And also to build a decision making entity that has leverage can weigh into or against decisions from the municipal government.
— July —
A Glimpse into the future:
Primitive Skills GatheringS
One week in early July.
Robin had gone to a Primitive Skills Gathering for the first time his year near his home in Concow and described it as a „glimpse into the future“. Inspired by Robin’s words I signed up. Michael decided to join me. Firemaker here we (be)come!
It was a great experience. People have been going there for over two decades and the nature awareness and skill sharing felt very nourishing. A good mix between practical knowledge, nature-intuition and space for activating spiritual connections. Reviving ancestral knowledge.
One week of around a 100 people coming together, meeting in a circle in the morning, noon and evening to share workshop ideas, songs, announcements. No cellphones allowed. Workshops included tanning, natural spa with clay and fern decorations (on body), dancing, drum making (my drum is elk hide and looks like the moon herself – I had been wanting to make a drum for years), bow and arch, knife fighting, tracking, den making, salve making, yoga, plant medicine, forest games, fairy home making etc.
I really enjoyed building this little hut for fairies and squirrel sized beings made from natural materials. :) I hope to employ that in working with children at forest school in the future.
Website of Firemaker Primitive Skills Gathering:
https://www.firemaker.org/
Note: Our friend Brenna noted that the gathering be renamed to Ancestral Skills instead of Primitive, which is often looked down upon (by those who don’t know the wisdom for survival and resilience that is hidden in the simplicity of primitive skills).
— June —
A visit to Lasqueti Island
In search of dry sanitation
Lasqueti Island is part of the gulf islands. I visited this island and its wonderful people twice as part of my research on dry sanitation. Lasqueti is a 45min ferry ride away from French Creek (where the wastewater treatment pant of my research area is located). People there intentionally live off-grid. That means no power grid, now sewer-based sanitation. That means solar power, wells, boiling your water, growing your own food, that means dry toilets. Pit latrines (not recommended) and: Composting toilets. :)
The reason it called me.
It was serendipitous how my barefoot shoe got me into a conversation with Lasquetian Larry while riding the bus to the biosphere region. He quickly realized he had to invite me for a visit and meet his neighborhood friends (and their outhouses) : a selection of the most wonderful individuals. Mostly men between 70 and 90 years old, highly educated, highly sensible to the emotional and natural world as well as the world of art and building :) I loved their stories. Their homes. Their gardens. Their outhouses.
Especially Arne, who stood out to me. Arne came from Germany in the 80’s. He’s from the state I grew up in as well: Brandenburg. I loved hearing his stories and eating his delicious vegetables and fish! His garden is fertilized with the soil and nutrients from composted „humanure“. He’s been doing this for over 30 years now. He is almost 90 now and a seldomley awake and fit senior.
Supposedly Lasqueti Island has the highest density of people in the combination of having a PhD and no money – :D Many worked at universities and decided to live off-grid.
The ferry which only runs a few days per week and only transports passengers (and everything else a Lasquetian will bring with them, like a horse, weaving machines, furniture… except for no cars) and feels like a nutshell in the stormy waves of the Salish Sea.
People on Lasqueti felt like home. I had plans to visit them with Robin, but those fell through ( due to Canada requiring you to be vaccinated until later this year).
I am deeply thankful to feel so welcome to this place.
Dear Ingo,
I took the wood shavings from your wonderful spoons and brought them to L.A. and Germany to inform these places with the wisdom of the trees of the West Coast. :)
Please take a look at Ingo’s beautiful spoons here:
Magic Mushrooms
Magic mushrooms. There is a lot of research here including at VIU regarding the use of psychedelics in psychotherapy. My personal experiences have been very beautiful. The colors in the plants – the magic of the sunlight hitting the leaves and the space, all the rhythms of life visible as patterns – in trees, clouds, the ceiling, my skin, plants… everywhere there is rhythm. There is patterns. After these experiences I see this more often now. The interconnectedness of everything just becomes a little more obvious when ingesting a bit of psilocybin from mushrooms. The feelings of love become more intense.
Full disclosure:
My first mushroom journey was unintended. Having taken fresh mushrooms instead of the older ones I had mis-dosed and a micro-dose became a regular one. I never made it out to that dinner invitation on the other end of town that evening… I stayed home and enjoyed the garden, I went on a bike ride listening to music and overlooking the beauty of the salish sea…
I tried recording a voice message for Robin expressing me love and experience about 5 times before I actually managed to send it. Robin had made me a ceremonial spoon to connect me with my ancestors – as it was made from elderberry which has soft wood in the core, the spoon has a long hole in the handle of the spoon – this part started moving in lively patterns. Ancestors here I come.
On Self-love
and being a full-grown woman
Is this a rainbow warrior…?
Coming from three years of feeling physically and sexually undesired and a space absent of men, I am now in a place where there seem to be more men than women in my age and where men are definitely seeing me more as a attractive than at any time in Germany.
It honestly feels good to be perceived as attractive – here speaks the little crushed ego of young Jenni self who was called ugly a few times by one of her aunts, and fellow kids in elementary and high school. Now looking in the mirror I see a woman that looks like the naked women in Helmut Newton’s photographs “Sie kommen” that I saw in an exhibition when I was 14. It’s been a self discovery that I have been led into by dear Robin.
Now if I only get my strides shifted from clonky to fairy like… ;P
— OCTOBER —
A brief visit to L.A.
For October through an unexpected serendipitous series of actions took place that led me to book myself a flight from Nanaimo to L.A. and from L.A. to Berlin. I was so scared of flying back to Germany. Afraid of getting stuck.
In L.A. I stayed with Robin’s parents – the most loving home I could’ve imagined. I fell even deeper in love with him. Seeing the neighborhood where he grew up in, meeting his sweet sweet parents. Seeing signs of transition town outside their home, seeing Robin’s artworks on the wall, his works in the little garden, going on a bike ride with his mom that she organizes with women to ride the bike paths of Culver City in L.A. to send feedback to the city saying where there are missing links between parts of the city and where it feels too dangerous to ride the bike, going wave diving with Robin’s dad and walking through the sand at Venice beach, hearing family stories and just sensing so much love and care. I felt instantaneously at home. For the first time in weeks I was able to sleep well. Compared to my Nanaimo neighborhood this place felt so safe, so peaceful and ordered. At night their cat came to cuddle up on my chest prompting me to lay down my cellphone. Such a health aware cat. It was great to briefly meet Robin’s brother as well. Robin was in Morocco facilitating a greywater system workshop to green the Altai mountains.
— OCTOBER —
…
and then A visit to Germany
Coming back to Berlin I felt fear landing in the dark wet morning of October 5th. Oh it felt all too familiar. Almost like a worn in shoe that I had been running for years. It felt a bit dull at first but I got to also enjoy the deep familiarity of the home I grew up in. Spending time with my father and mother was very nourishing. Here she peaks over one of the fences she built on our property :)
It was lovely to be back home with my mum, my father and my dog Eddie. What a beautiful place.
Wood chips from Lasqueti travelling with me in my pocket
– A call for ecosystem restoration
I had taken wood shavings from wood carver Ingo Dyrkton who lives on Lasqueti Island and who carves amazing spoons. I placed them in different places where I went. This ritual of finding a place to bring the woodchips as offerings connected me to the land – in L.A. I did a little work in the garden attempting to reduce water run-off on the dry soil, in Werder (my hometown) I put it underneath our big tilia tree (Linde) in the center of the property that hadn’t seen enough water this summer – which caused me to speak to my dad about it and we both rearranged the water runoff from the roof to direct it to the trees roots. In Spechthausen, where I lived and studied before taking off for Canada, I added the chips to the Johnson Sue Bioreactor that Ben was building with the help of his personal assistance, Robin and myself while I was there. Ben is big into composting and Robin is big into hands-on work with friends. Besides that Robin also knows how to lay fires to renew the land and how to create meaningful rituals.
The importance of Ritual
This ritual of searching a place to deliver the wisdom and greeting of the trees from the west coast changed my view and made me more sensitive to the needs of the place where I was. It was a different way of communication with the land that came through me. It felt like an act of weaving lost information within the greater world of the earth. Unearthing knowledge.
What is a Johnson Su Bioreactor?
based on woodchips, moisture and aeration it creates a high quality, fungi-, nutrient- and micro-organism rich substrate within a year’s time.
Find out more: Johnson Sue Bioreactor
…higher guidance?
Why go to Germany?
My intention with this trip was to help my mum as her partner’s health was going down so much, that she had to take care of him. This triggered a memory of seeing how much my mum aged while taking care of my grandfather. I came to organize things, spend time, set up a money altar, clear out some of my things and just be present.
Full disclosure: I had booked the flight to L.A. in a moment when Robin and I were out of communication so I didn’t know that he had already booked a flight to be in Morocco at the time to facilitate a greywater system to do ecosystem restoration as part of re-greening the Altai mountains. I still thought I’d go to L.A. …
TRUSTING into higher guidance
However one night two weeks later I woke up from a mosquito biting me in the foot. I don’t ever remember being woken up by a mosquito bite. However, I also turned on my phone, which I’d almost never do in the middle of the night. I checked our family chat where I read a message from my mum calling out for support. Her partner’s health was going down so much, that she had to take care of him. This triggered an unpleasant memory of seeing how much my mum aged while taking care of my grandfather a few years ago. I was afraid this pattern would repeat. Out of this wish of wanting to be thee I immediately checked what a possible flight would cost from L.A. to Berlin. It would cost only 200$. A direct flight. I directly booked it. My stomach was tormenting. It felt incredibly scary to catapult myself away from this new place that is my home now, where people welcome me with open arms. The place I have been working on finding for years. Finally I am at the West Coast and now I am being pulled away? This was way too early. It felt frightening to my nervous system.
For finding the date for the flight from Nanaimo to L.A. I had used a pendulum. I did the same when hitchhiking to Washington to meet Robin on the other side of the border – the directions of the pendulum had offered me an incredible travel experience. The meetings with the people who picked me up were serendipitous (someone working in waste water?!). The timing seemed perfect. I caught the last ferry from Victoria to Washington as planned. Trust. Trust. Reach out for guidance. Pray. Trust. Trust the signs. Sense. Pray. Guidance. Awe.
My mind could argue against this but something knew better than my mind.
It is a new way of navigating. Just the fact that the pendulum pointed towards flying v.s. taking the train or hitch-hiking to go down to L.A. felt so unexpected. Me? Flying for two weeks? What?! That’s against my eco-sensible values! Yet, it honestly turned out to be an incredibly significant experience. All the fear I had before resolved into a really wonderful time that connected me even deeper with this land, with my family, with Ben and with Robin, who unexpectedly showed up in Spechthausen so the three of us could spend time together. It also brought Robin and me together again on a new level. It was the first time he got to see me in my „natural habitat“ with friends and family, instead of isolated in a small space without my familiar group of people. I think we behave very differently when in community and everyday rhythm than when traveling. I do feel sad thinking that he has not seen my home here in Vancouver Island yet and not met my friends and community here, which I feel would be a very nourishing group of people for him, as well.
Fear in the stomach – and going through it…?
Recognizing that despite having had a lot of fear in my stomach, this whole trip turned out to be the most miraculous, nourishing experience. I was ready for a really emotionally tough time like I would go through an inferno of horrible emotions and torments as some sort of initiation, but it was a true gift.
Trust
A gift from trusting the greater lines of the universe. Until this year I had felt like a plant in a pot that kept its roots in the pot because it knew it had to find the right place to truly flourish. Here it is. Finally I can let my roots grow.
This is it.
If you’ve made it to here:
Congratulations!
&
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I hope you will have A WONDERFUL 2023 –
If you’d like to get that meta- and physical composting process going
I am a grateful conversation partner.
Below you are invited to some really juicy pieces of inspiration that I can recommend for improving your life in the next year :) I wish you all well and I hope to cross paths in the future, be it in the digital or analogous way.
Sending you my heart’s warmth for the path you are on and the place you call your garden,
Warmly,
Jenni Ottilie
////////////// RESOURCES /////////////
PODCASTS
FUTURE ECOLOGIES podcast – A genius podcast for hobby and expert ecologists
The art of sound meets science meets humans meets amazing story telling Podcast. The two hosts are from California and Vancouver. To start with I recommend this episode:
https://www.futureecologies.net/all-episodes
EMERGE podcast —
MUSE ECOLOGY podcast –
https://museecology.com/2021/03/24/20-paul-cereghino-part-1-ecosystem-guild-and-restoration-camping/
Robin and I visited Paul Cereghino who was interviewed in this episode. Paul is a great systems thinker weaving together an ecosystem guild. His work can be found here: https://ecosystemguild.org/
PLAYLIStS:
…that I assembled over this year and listened to a lot:
MYSTICAL BEATS: https://on.soundcloud.com/rJLtL
MAGIC VIBES: https://on.soundcloud.com/ZuMW6
INFINITY HEALING SONGS: https://on.soundcloud.com/BqReY
Books:
SLOW SEX – Diana Richardson
https://www.amazon.ca/Slow-Sex-Fulfilling-Sustainable-Sexuality/dp/159477367X
THE MYTH OF NORMAL– Dr. Gabor Maté (who is from Vancouver)
https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-normal/
PLANT SPIRIT MEDICINE – Eliot Cowan
https://eliotcowan.com/plant-spirit-medicine/
On Compost :
Johnson-Su Compost:
For fungal rich compost to regenerate your soil:
https://www.nmhealthysoil.org/2021/04/18/johnson-su-bioreactor-2/
https://endofite.com/the-johnson-su-bioreactor-enriches-beneficial-soil-fungi/
Tools for Degrowth, Community Building and Education
COMMONING MUSTERSPRACHE KARTEN SET (DE)
https://commons-institut.org/2020/kartenset-muster-des-commoning
Oracle Card Decks
The Archetype Card Set by Kim Krans:
https://www.kimkrans.com/books-and-decks
Conscious Cycle Kit by Ele Jansen:
https://deepcreation.co/product/conscious-cycle-kit-white-edition/
Gatherings
Firemaker – Ancestral Skills Gathering
https://www.firemaker.org/